Gratitude in Uncertain Times

My friend Carol writes, on her Facebook page:


"During lunch, I was reading an article by life coach Martha Beck about thought processes and behaviors in which we engage when we believe we exist in scarcity. One of her suggestions was to write a list of times when you thought there wouldn't be enough of something and you survived.In this time of uncertaintly when so many friends and family members are losing their footing in life - or so they think - I'd like to modify Beck's list somewhat and list a few things that came into my life at a time when I thought all was hopeless."



Carol's note got me to thinking. I remember, at the beginning of this cancer odyssey (I think "odyssey" is the right word; it can be compared to the trials and tribulations of Odysseus!), how I felt the world crashing down around me. EVERYTHING was in jeopardy - yet again.



And I have survived. I have survived time, and time, again.



When I needed money for college - nothing would be coming from family because there was no money to be had - money appeared (in the form of a woman from St. Claire Shores, Michigan, who paid for my education). In the very last year, even with two jobs and scholarships, I was $200 short of being able to pay my tuition - and $200 appeared, in the form of a little-known English majors scholarship.

In seminary, I was one mediocre grade from losing my fellowship; and after much study and prayer, I got the grade that let me keep it. Seven years ago, I was divorced, wondering if I'd survive alone, and found amazing happiness. I got cancer, and almost died from heart failure, but the man who asked me for a divorce back in 2002 came through for me, probably for the first time in his life - and then a longstanding friendship came to my rescue. Having lost my ministry at Peace, a new life and new ministry is beginning to take shape, an old community of friends and loved ones replaced by a new community.

I have learned that money is only money, you can survive having your heart broken over and over again, that laughing every day is healing, and what you thought was important really isn't all that important, after all.

B/C Acronyms

B/C - Breast Cancer

mbc - metastatic breast cancer

Onc - Oncologist

TX - treatment

DX - diagnosis

scanxiety - the anxiety that accompanies "scan day".

NED - No evidence of disease (we say we are "dancing with Ned")

Dancing with the Stable boy - disease is stable (we say we are "dancing with the stable boy")

PCP - Primary Care Practioner

Thought For the Day

One of my friends, a mets cancer patient, shares this (after a good report from the onc):

There is a guy who falls off a skyscraper, as he passes each floor people shout out to him, “how are you doing?”... "how are you doing?"..."how are you doing?" At each floor he responds.... “so far so good”....“so far so good”.... “so far so good”....

My husband loves me bald

Of course, I don't have a husband, but one of the funniest side effects of cancer is its effect on a marriage. Some husbands handle it well...others bail emotionally and physically. And some, well, they find a bald woman downright hot!
A friend in my mets group writes...her husband regretted the return of her hair. "My husband loves me bald. Go figure!"

Too...much...sun...

I'm sitting here after an hour and a half in the yard, the best time of the day - when the sun is going down over that "mighty fine swamp" - I am drinking a white russian (my new found habit of having the occasional cocktail in early evening, thank you, Monika). I've been clearing leaves, trimming raspberries, digging out pots and planting lettuce and sweet peas. Examining the spring onions, hoping against hope they sprout. Wishing I'd worn my leather gloves, as those damn raspberries really hurt!
Clearing out the basil boxes, inhaling the spicy, savory smell of the brown stalks, I took my time. This time - last year - I gloved up, masked up, and moved as fast as I could to put in the few plants. Couldn't risk infection from the soil! This time - this year - the wet soil felt good in my hands, and the warm scent of the herbs in the sun encouraged me to linger. I took my time. I'll take my time again tomorrow.
What a blessing.
I have no idea where the turkeys have gone, but the female blackbirds are back and they are the drama queens of the marsh!